It's been a bit over a month now, but blog posts are getting closer and closer together, so we'll call that progress.
First, last month was quite aweful, if I am brutally honest (which I intend to be in this post...). Also, to be honest, Clomid does in fact make you feel very pregnant during your TWW (two week wait), and when you then see the trademark drop in temperatures toward Aunt Flo's visiting time, it's rather disheartening, and makes you feel like you might want to give up on the idea of having a baby. Becaaaauuusssseee......
youcan'ttryagainnextmonthit'stooexhaustinganditwillneverreallyworkanywayit'seasiernottogetmyhopesup....
And then I remember 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 and Romans 8:28, and I have to get over myself.
So alas, we try again this month! Or so we think...
It seems as though my body is just as fickle as I feel. While the Clomid did in fact make me ovulate for 3 cycles, suddenly it just stops working. I do see the grace in this, though, as you will see as I explain further.
It seems as though the side effects get worse every cycle. I've been having some pretty severe stomach issues this time around, including losing weight and throwing up (only once, but trust me, 1 Clomid puke is enough for me....). So, I call me doctor and ask what to do about this. She calls me back, and tells me "probably should just wait it out this cycle, we'll see what we can do next time." Alright, fair enough. Meanwhile, we're finding out there's problems with fertility on both ends of the stick around these parts. However, the results were more encouraging than they could have been.
Weeeelllll.....26 days, no ovulation, and several nights of no sleep later, she tells me to start the progesterone to get me to have a period, and we'll try something else next cycle.
Next day, I call her and leave her yet another message. By now, after 25 days of feeling like my ovaries might explode any minute, I'm thinking I might need some more observation, and maybe an hCG trigger shot to help time things better. I tell her as much, and wait for a call back.
The next day (this day being yesterday, the 18th), I get a call from Lynn, my wonderful nurse practitioner. Here is how our conversation went.
L: Dr. Thomas and I had a conference about you today...
A: Oh yeah?
L: Yes. We think we're going to have to send you to the 'big guys'.
A: Why's that?
L: Two reasons. One, you know what you need before we do, and that's been evident. Problem is, we can't do what you need in this office. Two, Dr. Thomas thinks that since Dan is low, and
we already know there's problems on your end, that you might need some IUI.
A: That sounds awesome. Who are you sending me to?
L: Dr. Chamoun...
.........Ecstatic! I've been waiting for 4 months for her to refer me to a reproductive endocrinologist, so this is wonderful news. This means no more swallowing pills, I get to take shots (which I much prefer to gagging on bitter pills that get stuck in your throat. Weird, I know), and they will monitor me every other day with ultrasounds. However.... this guy looks like a total creeper. Not to mention, he's a guy...
I've had a total issue with strange men doing vaginal ultrasounds on me since I can remember, so I'm not relishing that idea. However, I am relishing every other idea that comes with going to him, so I think I will be able to get past it.
...I think.
Next up, is a test to make sure my fallopian tubes aren't blocked up with tissue, preventing the egg from getting to where it needs to go to get fertilized. I've heard this can either be extremely painful or nothing at all, so I'm not too worried about it and I'm happy I'll be able to get results instantly as well. So awesome!
Looking back, I kind of feel like we're just starting our journey to pregnancy...all this other stuff feels like it's been a test run, and now we're doing the real thing. Operation Baby Dashlee was in testing phases, and has now been practiced enough to be put out in the field. ....or something like that.
T'would be really nice to be good at writing while trying to put into one spot your journey for others to read, but I think you get the picture. ;) I know there are many, many people praying for us and we appreciate that so much. I'm continually amazed when people I barely know come up to me and tell me they're praying for me to have a baby. It touches me somewhere deep and I know Dan appreciates it, too.
Speaking of Dan.... He is my superhero. He's been my rock and my shoulder through the whole thing, and while it may not be possible for him to understand everything I'm feeling, he's always been there to support me. I couldn't have asked for a better husband or traveling companion on this journey. I could write a whole blogpost on it...
My next test is scheduled for Tuesday morning, I will keep you all updated either on Facebook or here. Probably Facebook, until next month. ;)
Again, thank you so much for the prayers. I'm at the point where I know I can't control whether I get pregnant or not, only God can. Prayers are definitely the most comforting thing to me right now, and I can feel 'em!!! :-D
Until next time,
Ashlee, Dan, and FBD
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