Well, I'm only a little late.
To update you on our location, we are now moved into our new house and every room to be painted, is painted. I am adjusting quite well, and Dan seems like he never missed a beat.
I tell you this, because I hate reading people's blogs and having no idea what their life outside of blogging is like. Just like whenever I text someone, I like to know what kind of phone they have so I can imagine them texting on it. Call me weird, but quirks make people interesting.
Fortunately, I didn't end up having to be on the medication while we were moving, which was a huge blessing considering I had no idea what the side effects would have been. Based on the horror stories I've heard of the potential side effects of Clomid, I feel like I had an easy go of it. But let me tell you, the side effects I did feel, I was VERY aware of.
My ovaries felt like grapfruits. I looked 9 weeks pregnant, and Heaven forbid I would bend the wrong way. Thankfully, I'm only on Clomid for 5 days per cycle, and the side effects change when I'm not actively taking it.
Yep, they change. From massive ovaries to certifiably crazy. But only for two days.
All in all, not so bad! (Let's not talk to Dan about that particular sentence.)
Except I ovulated on cycle day 4. That's a little too early to be effective unless you want to be gross. Totally caught me off guard. There I was waiting to ovulate, and Aunt Flo shows up instead. Not a fan of her, these days.
SO, on to next month. Days 5-9 bring more grapefruit ovaries and more craziness. Don't get me wrong, I would rather have side effects and feel like this is potentially working, than have no side effects and have no clue whether I'm chugging pills for no reason. Ah, the things we do to fulfill our maternal instincts.
I am currently cycle day 20 and the medication did work as far as I can tell. It's been a weird cycle with multiple positive OPK's and some insane symptoms, most of which are too TMI to throw out there in a blog post, but whatever happens, happens, and I'll just be happy I ovulated.
But for those of you who are wondering, there IS a chance I could be pregnant. No way was I doing the side effect thing without actually trying. Now we must play my least favorite game in the world.
The waiting game.
Yes, that is bold AND italic. I thought about capitalizing as well, but that seemed a little too melodramatic. Even for me.
So, that's where we're at! I'm just relaxing and trying not to think too much about it, as in the last 6 months that's gotten me all of nowhere. Let me just tell you, though, that if I'm not pregnant, someone will need to tell me where this insane appetite is coming from. I'm going to eat myself out of house and home.
The most frequent question running through my mind is one I know I'll never be able to answer well enough to satisfy my curiosity until I'm dead and I get to have my long awaited talk with Jesus. When I go to Wal-Mart and see the overweight, unhealthy looking woman screaming at her 6 obnoxiously loud and rambunctious kids all under the age of 9 to "PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY BODY!!!" and then proceed to pay the cashier with her government issued food stamps, I really have to wonder how it is that she gets to have those children which she clearly neither appreciates, nor takes care of, when there are SO MANY couples (literally, 6 that I know of and can count immediately popping into my head) that would give a whole lot just to be able to have one of those babies.
I know it's all God's design, but I am trying not to be a hypocrite and pretend I don't wonder how that makes sense. Ultimately it comes down to whether I trust God with my future.
Let me tell you the beautiful thing: I've learned to trust Him without even realizing that's what He was teaching me. This whole time I think He's teaching me patience, and while that may be a nice secondary lesson, I have to learn, realize, and accept that His plan is always going to be better than mine.
Even if that does include overweight moms screaming at their precious gifts wrapped in children's bodies in Wal-Mart, and me not having one.
We'll keep you updated! Until next time, the prayers for Operation: Baby Dashlee are SO MUCH appreciated! It touches us that people would pray so hard for something that affects them so little.
Love you all!
Dan, Ash, and FBD (Future Baby Dashlee)
