Yesterday, I had another ultrasound done to tell us whether we would have to up the dose or trigger me to ovulate. Doc came in and asked me if I had anything growing in there, and I said "I don't think so, but let's see!" He looked legitimately sad. It warmed my heart.
What! A doctor that actually cares about his patients??? Amazing.
He did the ultrasound and said "yeah, you really don't have anything going on in there except about 100 small eggs."
100?!?! Yep. Lots of eggs in there. And now I'm going to make more, because he then proceeded to tell me that he was raising the dose to 100 mg per day instead of 50mg. Meaning: I now have the effects of 150mg of Clomid in my system making me some eggs.
Not that I want to over analyze, but I'm thinking I see some divine intervention here. BECAUSE:
This means my chances for multiples in the next two months is higher than my chances for a singleton.
I would really like multiples. I would be extremely happy with that. People think I'm crazy, and that's quite possibly because I actually am. But I have witnessed the miracle of twins and it's SO. AWESOME. Beyond words.
For the first time in this journey I really feel like I've given it all to God. It's almost hard for me to stress over this anymore, probably half because I've just accepted it as part of my life, and the other half being a discussion Dan and I had the other night. We were talking about striving, and what we should and shouldn't strive for. I asked whether he thought we should be 'striving' to have a baby. I mentioned that I feel strongly that I will be a mother someday, and I believe that feeling is from the Lord. Dan brought up the subject of Sarah and Abraham, which is a popular story for women going through infertility. He said that even though the Lord had directly promised Abraham that he would be a father of many nations, Sarah lost faith when she became too old to have children, and gave Abraham her handmaid instead, trying to fulfill what the Lord had promised to Abraham. I truly believe she was just trying to do the right thing, but because she strove to bring about something the Lord had promised in her own strength, rather than waiting on the Lord, something that has brought great pain to this earth happened in the birth of Ishmael. Sarah didn't wait, and brought pain. I want to wait on the Lord, His timing is perfect.
I then asked Dan whether he thought it was bad that I was going to this doctor. He mentioned that going to this doctor isn't strictly for babies. There's been at least two health issues that have been discovered for me through this that pose other health risks that have nothing to do with babies/fertility. I never would have known that unless we had seen this doctor. He also mentioned that we both have peace with this decision.
So, all in all, it was an amazing conversation and the part about striving to accomplish what only God can accomplish was huge to me.
There's the update for this week! Next appointment is on Wednesday. We're praying for two follicles that we can trigger, blessings on all my baby parts, and speed and accuracy for the spermies (hahaha, wow), and for God's Will to be done no matter what.
I know there's been some issues with the commenting system, but hopefully that is resolved now. I love you all and I can't wait to continue sharing this journey.
Ash
No comments:
Post a Comment